What is „narcissism“?
Narcissists are convinced of themselves. They believe in their grandiosity, and they consider themselves entitled to receive what they want, and to behave in any way that suits them at any particular moment. They are convinced that they are better than other people.
In truth, narcissists are constantly trying to hide their emotional fragility. They are in constant need of narcissistic supply, meaning confirmation from other people that they are as wonderful as they wrongly assume.
When narcissists do not receive narcissistic supply, they start to feel insecure. This manifests itself in anger, manipulation and gaslighting. In this state, they tend to insult and hurt other people, especially those who are close to them.
The empathy they show when they’re in a good mood is cognitive empathy. This means that they understand the concept of empathy intellectually, but they don’t feel it. This can be extremely confusing to deal with. You think that they understand, but in reality they don’t.
Narcissists have very little self-awareness. This makes it improbable that they will ever change, and they rarely do.
Narcissists have great difficulty regulating their feelings, which is why their emotional reactions are often completely inappropriate.
Relationships with Narcissists
Narcissists often wear a mask, which makes them appear to be friendly and charming. However, as soon as the door is closed, and you’re alone with them, they remove their masks. When this happens, the anger, which has been raging within them, makes its dramatic and often threatening appearance.
Since narcissists are constantly taking their social masks on and off, relationships with them consist of a constant to and fro – between friendliness and anger, between charm and rage, between seeming self-reflection and non-reflected, cantankerous insistence on being right.
Because of the narcissist’s constant change in mood and attitude, a relationship with them is extremely confusing. While you may at one moment feel that you are dealing with a self-reflected person who empathizes with you, the next moment confronts you with the fact that this reflection is nothing but a mask, and that their empathy existed only on a cognitive level. In addition, many narcissists have very high moral values and expectations, which they use to disguise their own amoral actions.
What is „narcissitic abuse“?
Narcissistic abuse is behavior, which is manipulating, controlling and hurtful for others. Narcissists manipulate those who are closest to them so as to receive constant narcissistic supply and to get rid of their own secretive bad character traits by projecting them onto others.
It’s important to understand that narcissists usually do not take responsibility for their actions. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re essentially alone, even though you may seem to be in a relationship.
Narzisstischer Missbrauch und psychoanalytische Psychotherapie
Psychotherapy will make it possible for you to understand and process the abuse you’ve experienced or are still experiencing. Abuse tends to cause its victims to lose their own standpoint, their own opinion and their own self-image.
Psychotherapy will help you find yourself again. Symptoms of abuse are recognized as such and reflected upon, so that you will eventually connect with yourself again.
